Chrift will be fatisfied with him alone, I propofed the que. ition to myself, Art thou content of Chrift alone? would thou be fatisfied with Chrift as thy portion, tho' there were no hell to be faved from? and my foul answered, Yes. Lafked myfelf further, Suppofing that, wouldft thou be content of him, though likewife thou fhouldft lofe credit and reputation, and meet with trouble for his fake? My foul answered, Yes. Such is my hatred of fin, and my love to Chrit. This was the last fermon I preached in that place, for I was going out of that country; and neither of us two was the perfon God defigned for the place.

On the 30th I preached at Dollar. The work being clofed, thinking with myself, while yet in the pulpit, that might be the laft of my preaching there, as it indeed proved to be, with my eyes lifted up towards heaven, I looked unto the Lord, comforting myself, that I had declared to that people the whole counfel of God, as he had given it me; the which was fweeter to me than their stipend would have been, got by following fome advices given me as above mentioned. I lodged in the houfe of Simon Dryfdale, who regretted the prefbytery's untenderness in their cafe; and on the morrow came to me James Kirk, with other three of the elders, who fhewed their concern on the account of my departure, and withal their continued refolution to profecute the defign of my fettlement among them, ftill regretting the prefbytery's flipping the occafion that was in their hands, and fhewing that their two neighbouring minifters, on the weft and cast, were and had been their enemies in the defign. The fame week Mr Turnbull told me, that the prefbytery might, and, if they would take his advice, fhould go on, withal complaining fomewhat of them in the matter; fo that by him, as well as the people, the blame of the marring of that fettlement, fo far, was laid at their door. Perhaps the trouble they had by Mr Mair, in Airth, on the strict fide, made thein the more wary as to me, though I never entertained feparating principles.

I had the comfort of the teftimony of judicious Chriftians, that my work in that country, and particularly in that parith, was not in vain in the Lord; and found from feveral perfons, that the Lord had made the word in my mouth to reach their own cafe, and to be a dif cerner of the thoughts of their hearts. The fame which,

T

it feems, fell out in the cafe of fome others, who knew not fo well how the word was directed; whereof a judicious Christian gave me this inftance, namely, that difcourfing with a certain man in Dollar, whom he knew to be of a violent difpofition against Prefbyterian preachers, and expected accordingly to find ruffled by the fermons on the faft-day; he, on the contrary, found him to fhew a liking of me, especially by reason of these fermons, for that they had let him fee things to be fin, which he never thought before had been fo. Moreover, he faid, I had great fkill, and told things ftrangely, even fome things which he thought no body knew, and that he wondered who could tell me; and that if William (his fon I fuppofe) had been any way abroad, he would have thought he had told me. His wife fignified, that fome of the parish said, I had more wit than my own. These things were encouraging to me, as they difcovered the character of the Lord's word in my preaching, namely, that it is 86 a difcerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."

May 3. The prefbytery granted me teftimonials, I promifing to fatisfy them if they fhould write for me, probable grounds of encouragement appearing: and they appointed a minifter to preach at Dollar on the Sabbath was twenty days, and, on the Tuesday following, to moderate in a call there. On the 8th I took my journey, having had an affecting parting with feveral Chriftian friends and truly it was no fmall part of my grief, if not the greateft, to leave fome ferious fouls, whom God had made me an inftrument of good to, and to whofe prayers I doubt not but I was obliged. I came that day to Barhill, where, upon fome event or other I cannot now find, I thought I faw an end of all perfection, and that nothing was fatiffying without Chrift. I think it has been, that having my friend to part with, added to the weight on me in leaving that country. However it was, the impreffion lafted with me many days thereafter. On the morrow I went to Edinburgh, and the day following got home to Dunfe; which, when I faw it, was terrible unto me, my inclination not being towards that country; but thither the Lord led me unto the bounds of my habitation before appointed.

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PERIOD VI.

From my return unto the Merfe, to my ordination to the holy miniftry at Simprin.

Being thus returned home again, I had no occafion to

go out of the town above a mile, until four Sabbaths were paft; and during that time, in the end of May and beginning of June, the thoughts of my ufeleffnefs were very heavy to me; which put me to beg of God an opportunity to ferve him, whatever pains it fhould coft me to accomplish it. Howbeit I was not altogether idle on Lord's days, being employed moftly in Dunfe, and once in Langton.

While this lay upon me as the main weight, I found myfelf befet with feveral other difficulties. The unacquaintednefs of moft of my friends with religion was grievous, and made their converfation but uncomfortable; but my eldest brother Andrew, being a judicious man, and of experience in religion, was often refrefhful to me. I had no heart to vifit the minifters, knowing none of them I could unbofom myfelf to, fave Mr Colden at Dunfe, and Mr Dyfert at Coldingham. The binding at my breaft had returned, and I was feized with pains in my back, and in the hinder part of my head, fo that I began to apprehend my time in the world might not be long; and on that occafion I found I had fome evidences for the better world, and was fomewhat fubmiffive to the divine. difpofal, in the cafe as it appeared. Withal the confideration of the cafe of the land was heavy on me, and I had a forry profpect of what might be to come, fo that I judged them happy, who, having done their work in the vineyard, were called home, and not made to fee the difhonour done to God amongst us. Wherefore I was defirous to be out of my native country again, and wifhed for a providential relief. But by a letter from a friend, fhewing that the bufinefs of Dollar was like to fucceed, I found that I behoved to continue yet a while where I was on the account thereof.

It now lay heavy on my spirit at feveral times, as above noticed, that I was caft out of a corner, in which the Lord was pleafed to make ufe of me, and own me with

fome

fome fuccefs in his work, into another corner where I had nothing to do. This occafioned variety of perplexing thoughts. I inquired what might be the Lord's end in it, and nothing doubted but that I was called to leave that place, from whence I came. May 25. in prayer it was fuggefted to me, that God had fo dealt with me, for my former levity, and mifimproving his help given me in preaching; for which I endeavoured to be humble. On the 26th, I had engaged to lecture next Sabbath for Mr. Colden. Finding my heart difpofed for prayer, light from the Lord in two or three particulars was much in my eye. In prayer I had a frame from the Lord, ferious, earnest, depending, bare, and laid open to hearken to the counfel of God. Before I came to pray for what I fhould lecture on, my heart was raifed to an admiration of, and love to Chrift, and defire to commend him; and it was laid before me as my duty to lecture on Pfal. xlv. and this with life and elevation of my fpirit, which continued with me when I prayed for the lecture. Thinking on this after prayer, I began to fufpect that light; becaufe it came before I had prayed for it, exprefsly at leaft. But confidering that I went to God for light in it, and confidering that paffage, ́If. lxv. 24. and finding my inclination to commend Chrift remain, I was fatisfied. There was a fecond point in my eye, which still remained dark; and therefore I went back purpofely to God for it. I found my heart in prayer much going out in love to Chrift; my heart was knit to him as the dearly beloved of my foul; which made me to exprefs my love to Christ, not in an ordinary way, as I ufe to do. I was helped to depend, and got ftrength to my heart to wait for light in it. And the nature of it was fuch, that it might bear a delay. As for the third point, it was not ripe, and I could but table it before the Lord. The Lord was not wanting to me in the delivery of that lecture.

In the mean time, my fettling in Simprin had been first moved to me on May 19. in Mr Colden's houfe, by his wife, in his prefence; and that, till another occafion fhould offer. He feemed to me not to have confidence directly to propofe it; but told me, the ftipend was five chalders of victual, and 80 merks. But as I never durft entertain the thoughts of fettling with fuch a design, I fhewed that I had no mind to engage with any but fuch as I might continue with. Thinking afterwards on these

things by myself, I found no great unwillingness to venture on the ftipend; the rather, that my father having difponed his intereft in Dunfe to me, I reckoned I would have about L. 100 Scots yearly there: but the people being only about ninety in number, and in a quite other fituation than the parith of Abbay, I found I could have no heart to them. On the 26th again, Mr Colden propofed to me, that if I would fettle there, he would write for that effect to Langton, to whom the parish entirely belonged. I told him, that for me to fay fo, would be to cut off all future deliberation, which was what I had no freedom to do the which he acknowledged to be true, and therefore urged me not. That worthy man was indeed concerned for me, and told me, he was perfuaded God had thoughts of good towards me; and that, notwithstanding all the difficulties that had caft up in the way of my fettlement, the event would be to the glory of God, and comfortable to myself. And therein he was not miftaken. In this his concern for me, he took me to Coldingham, June 8. to fee Mr Dyfert, who formerly had been minifter of Langton. There they concerted to move for that fettlement; and in confequence thereof Mr Dyfert wrote to the elders of Simprin, for that effect, And judging the matter might easily be compaffed, they told me that I might be fettled in Simprin, if I would. But having heard them speak of the vacancies in Galloway, and that I particularly was defired by fome there, I thereupon found an inclination to go to that country, if I should not be called back for Dollar. The letter to the elders of Simprin, as aforefaid, was unadvifedly put in my hand to difpatch; which I, not having confidence, it feems, to refufe it, did receive: but it was never delivered, for afterwards I tore it in pieces. And this their conduct could hardly have had a different iffue, according to the principles by which I fteered my courfe, that juftly made all activity in procuring my own fettlement frightful to me.

The bent of my heart to preach Chrift continued all along, from the time above mentioned, as I had opportunity but for a confiderable time I met with many rubs in my way. On the 2d of June, after prayer for a text, and help to study, I could fix on none, though I fought it till my body was weary, and my fpirit much dejected. Next morning my darknefs remained, and nothing could gain clearness to me. Thus my heart being dejected through

I

defertion