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The humble Memorial of the Lady Lydia Loller,

That he is conscious there is nothing more improper than such a complaint in good company, in that they must pity, whether they think the laThat the Lady Lydia is a woman of quality; menter ill or not; and that the complainant must


married to a private gentleman.

That she finds herself neither well nor ill.
That her husband is a clown.

That Lady Lydia cannot see company.
That she desires the infirmary may be her apart-
ment during her stay in the country.

That they would please to make merry with their equals.

That Mr. Loller might stay with them if he thought fit.'

"It was immediately resolved, that Lady Lydia was still at London.

make a silly figure, whether he is pitied or not.
'Your petitioner humbly prays, that he may have
time to know how he does, and he will make his

"The valetudinarian was likewise easily excused; and this society, being resolved not only to make it their business to pass their time agreeably for the present season, but also to commence such habits in themselves as may be of use in their future conduct in general, are very ready to give into a fancied or real incapacity to join with their measures, in order to have no humourist, proud man, impertinent or sufficient fellow, break in upon their happiness.

The humble Memoriai of Thomas Sudden, Esq. of Great evils seldom happen to disturb company; but

the Inner Temple,

indulgence in particularities of humour is the seed of making half our time hang in suspense, or waste

" Sheweth, That Mr. Sudden is conscious that he is too away under real discomposures. much given to argumentation.

That he talks loud.

That he is apt to think all things matter of


That he stayed behind in Westminster-hall, when the late shake of the roof happened, only be. cause a counsel of the other side asserted it was con. g down.


That he cannot for his life consent to any thing. That he stays in the infirmary to forget himself. That as soon as he has forgot himself he will wait on the company.'

"His indisposition was allowed to be sufficient to require a cessation from company.

The Memorial of Frank Jolly,

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That by reason of his luxuriant health he is oppressive to persons of composed behaviour.

That he is endeavouring to forget the word pshaw, pshaw."

That he is also weaning himself from his cane. That when he has learnt to live without his said cane, he will wait on the company,' &c.

The Memorial of John Rhubarb, Esq., • Sheweth,

That your petitioner has retired to the infirmary, but that he is in perfect good health, except that he has by long use, and for want of discourse, contracted a habit of complaint that he is sick.

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Among other things, it is carefully provided, that there may not be disagreeable familiarities, no one is to appear in the public rooms undressed, or enter abruptly into each other's apartment without intimation. Every one has hitherto been so careful in his behaviour, that there has but one offender, in ten days' time, been sent into the infirmary, and that was for throwing away his cards at whist.

"He has offered his submission in the following terms:

• The humble Petition of Jeoffrey Hotspur, Esq., 'Sheweth,

"Though the petitioner swore, stamped, and threw down his cards, he has all imaginable respect for the ladies, and the whole company.

That he humbly desires it may be considered, in the case of gaming, there are many motives which provoke to disorder,

That the desire of gain, and the desire of victory are both thwarted in losing.

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That all conversations in the world, have indulged human infirmity in this case.

Your petitioner therefore most humbly prays, that he may be restored to the company: and he hopes to bear ill-fortune with a good grace for the future, and to demean himself so as to be no more than cheerful when he wins, than grave when he loses.' "-T.

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"As you are Spectator-general, you may with authority censure whatever looks ill, and is offensive to the sight; the worst nuisance of this kind, methinks, is the scandalous appearance of poor in all parts of this wealthy city. Such miserable objects affect the compassionate beholder with dismal ideas, discompose the cheerfulness of his mind, and deprive him of the pleasure that he might otherwise un-take in surveying the grandeur of our metropolis. Who can, without remorse, see a disabled sailor, the purveyor of our luxury, destitute of necessaries? Who can behold an honest soldier, that bravely withstood the enemy, prostrate and in want amongst

That he wants for nothing under the sun, but what to say, and therefore has fallen into this happy malady of complaining that he is sick.

That this custom of his makes him, by his own confession, fit only for the infirmary, and therefore he has not waited for being sentenced to it.


the utmost reproach to society, that there should be a poor man unrelieved, or a poor rogue unpunished. I hope you will think no part of human life out of your consideration, but will, at your leisure, give us the history of plenty and want, and the natural gradations towards them, calculated for the cities of London and Westminster.

"I am, Sir, your most humble Servant,


"T. D."


"I beg you would be pleased to take notice of a very great indecency, which is extremely common, though, I think, never yet under your censure. is, Sir, the strange freedom some ill-bred married people take in company; the unseasonable fondness of some husbands, and the ill-timed tenderness of some wives. They talk and act as if modesty was

his friends? It were endless to mention all the variety of wretchedness, and the numberless poor that not only singly, but in companies, implore your charity. Spectacles of this nature every where occur; and it is unaccountable that, amongst the many lamentable cries that infest this town, your comptroller-general should not take notice of the most shocking, viz. those of the needy and afflicted. I cannot but think he waved it merely out of good breeding, choosing rather to stifle his resentment than upbraid his countrymen with inhumanity : however, let not charity be sacrificed to popularity; and if his ears were deaf to their complaints, let not your eyes overlook their persons. There are, I know, many impostors among them. Lameness and blindness are certainly very often acted; but can those who have their sight and limbs employ them better than in knowing whether they are counterfeited or not? I know not which of the two mis-only fit for maids and bachelors, and that too beapplies his senses most, he who pretends himself fore both. I was once, Mr. Spectator, where the blind to move compassion, or he who beholds a fault I speak of was so very flagrant, that (being, miserable object without pitying it. But in order you must know, a very bashful fellow, and several to remove such impediments, I wish, Mr. Spectator, young ladies in the room) I protest I was quite out you would give us a discourse upon beggars, that of countenance. Lucina, it seems, was breeding; we may not pass by true objects of charity, or give and she did nothing but entertain the company with to impostors. I looked out of my window the other discourse upon the difficulty of reckoning to a day, morning earlier than ordinary, and saw a blind beg-hour; then fell a laughing at a silly inexperienced gar, an hour before the passage he stands in is frehis stockings. My astonishment was still greater, quented, with a needle and a thread thriftily mending when I beheld a lame fellow, whose legs were too big to walk, within an hour after bring him a pot of ale. I will not mention the shakings, distortions, and convulsions, which many of them practise to gain ar alms: but sure I am they ought to be taken care of in this condition, either by the beadle or the magistrate. They, it seems, relieve their posts according to their talents. There is the voice of an old woman never begins to beg till nine in the evening; and then she is destitute of lodging, turned out for want of rent, and has the same ill fortune every night in the year. You should employ an officer to hear the distress of each beggar that is constant at a particular place, who is ever in the same tone, and succeeds because his audience is continually changing, though he does not alter his lamentation. If we have nothing else for our money, let us have more invention to be cheated with. All which is submitted to your spectatorial vigilance; and "I am, Sir,


"Your most humble Servant."


and said she knew those who were certain to an

to him; which he not caring to resolve, Well,'
creature, who was a month above her time. Upon
her husband's coming in, she put several questions
cries Lucina, I shall have 'em all at night."-
But lest I should seem guilty of the very fault I
write against, I shall only entreat Mr. Spectator to
correct such misdemeanors.


For higher of the genial bed by far,

And with mysterious reverence, I deem.
"I am, Sir, your humble Servant,

No. 431.] TUESDAY, JULY 15, 1712.
Quid dulcius hominum generi a natura datum est, quam sui

cuique liberi ?—TULL.

What is there in nature so dear to man as his own children?

I HAVE lately been casting in my thoughts the several unhappinesses of life, and comparing the infelicities of old age to those of infancy. The calamities of children are due to the negligence or misconduct of parents; those of age, to the past life which led to it. I have here the history of a boy and girl to their wedding-day, and think I cannot give the reader a livelier image of the insipid way in which time uncultivated passes, than by entertaining him with their authentic epistles, expressing all that was remarkable in their lives, till the period of their life above mentioned. The sentence at the head of this paper, which is only a warm interrogation, "What is there in nature so dear as a man's own children to him?" is all the reflection I shall at present make on those who are negligent or cruel in the education of them.

"I was last Sunday highly transported at our parish church; the gentleman in the pulpit pleaded movingly in behalf of the poor children, and they for themselves much more forcibly by singing a hymn; and I had the happiness to be a contributor to this little religious institution of innocents, and I am sure I never disposed of my money more to my satisfaction and advantage. The inward joy I find in myself, and the good-will I bear to mankind, make me heartily wish these pious works may be encouraged, that the present promoters may reap the delight, and posterity the benefit, of them. But whilst we are building this beautiful edifice, let not the old "I am now entering into my one-and-twentieth ruins remain in view to sully the prospect. Whilst we year, and do not know that I had one day's thorough are cultivating and improving this young hopeful off-satisfaction since I came to years of any reflection, spring, let not the ancient and helpless creatures be till the time they say others lose their liberty-the shamefully neglected. The crowds of poor, or pre- day of my marriage. I am son to a gentleman of a tended poor, in every place, are a great reproach to very great estate, who resolved to keep me out of us, and eclipse the glory of all other charity. It is the vices of the age; and, in order to it, never let


me see any thing that he thought could give me the I was almost eaten up with the green-sickness, her least pleasure. At ten years old I was put to a orders being never to cross me. But this magnified grammar-school, where my master received orders but little with my father, who presently, in a kind every post to use me very severely, and have no re- of pet, paying for my board, took me home with him. gard to my having a great estate. At fifteen I was I had not been long at home, but one Sunday at removed to the university, where I lived, out of my church (I shall never forget it) I saw a young father's great discretion, in scandalous poverty and neighbouring gentleman that pleased me hugely; want, till I was big enough to be married, and II liked him of all men I ever saw in my life, and was sent for to see the lady who sends you the under- began to wish I could be as pleasing to him. The written. When we were put together, we both very next day he came, with his father, a visiting considered that we could not be worse than we were to our house: we were left alone together with diin taking one another, and out of a desire of liberty, rections on both sides to be in love with one another; entered into wedlock. My father says I am now a and in three weeks' time we were married. I reman, and may speak to him like another gentleman. gained my former health and complexion, and am "I am, Sir, your most humble Servant, now as happy as the day is long. Now, Mr. Spec., I desire you would find out some name for these 66 RICHARD RENTFREE." craving damsels, whether dignified or distinguished under some or all of the following denominations: to wit, Trash-eaters, Oatmeal-chewers, Pipe-champers, Chalk-lickers, Wax-nibblers, Coal-scranchers Wall-peelers, or Gravel-diggers; and, good Sir, do your utmost endeavour to prevent (by exposing) this unaccountable folly, so prevailing among the young ones of our sex, who may not meet with such sudden good luck, as,

"MR. SPEC., "I grew tall and wild at my mother's, who is a gay widow, and did not care for showing me, till about two years and a half ago; at which time my guardian uncle sent me to a boarding-school, with orders to contradict me in nothing, for I had been misused enough already. I had not been there above a month, when, being in the kitchen, I saw some oatmeal on the dresser; I put two or three corns in my mouth, liked it, stole a handful, went into my chamber, chewed it, and for two months after never failed taking toll of every pennyworth of oatmeal that came into the house; but one day playing with a tobacco-pipe between my teeth, it happened to break in my mouth, and the spitting out the pieces left such a delicious roughness on my tongue, that I could not be satisfied till I had champed up the remaining part of the pipe. I for- He gabbles like a goose amidst the swan-like quire.—DAYBEN,

sook the oatmeal, and stuck to the pipes three months, in which time I had dispensed with thirtyseven foul pipes, all to the bowls: they belonged to an old gentleman, father to my governess. He locked up the clean ones. I left off eating of pipes,


"Sir, your constant Reader,
and very humble Servant,

No. 432.) WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 1712.
-Inter strepit anser olores.-VIRG. Fel. ix. 36.

Oxford, July 14.
"ACCORDING to a late invitation in one of your

Papers to every man who pleases to write, I have
vice of being prejudiced.
sent you the following short dissertation against the

"Your most humble Servant."

and fell to licking of chalk. I was soon tired of this. I then nibbled all the red wax of our last ball-tickets, and, three weeks after, the black wax "Man is a sociable creature, and a lover of glory; from the burying tickets of the old gentleman. Two whence it is, that when several persons are united months after this I lived upon thunder-bolts, a certain in the same society, they are studious to lessen the long round bluish stone which 1 found among the reputation of others, in order to raise their own. gravel in our garden. I was wonderfully delighted The wise are content to guide the springs in silence, with this; but thunder-bolts growing scarce, I fast- and rejoice in secret at their regular progress. To ened tooth and nail upon our garden-wall, which I prate and triumph is the part allotted to the trifling stuck to almost a twelvemonth, and had in that time and superficial. The geese were providentially or peeled and devoured half a foot towards our neigh-dained to save the Capitol. Hence it is, that the bour's yard. I now thought myself the happiest crea- invention of marks and devices to distinguish parties ture in the world; and I believe, in my conscience, I is owing to the beaux and belles of this island. had eaten quite through, had I had it in my cham- Hats, moulded into different cocks and pinches, ber; but now I became lazy and unwilling to stir, have long bid mutual defiance; patches have been and was obliged to seek food nearer home. I then set against patches in battle array; stocks have took a strange hankering to coals; I fell to scranch-risen or fallen in proportion to head-dresses; and ing them, and had already consumed, I am certain, peace or war been expected, as the white or the rel as much as would have dressed my wedding-dinner, hood hath prevailed. These are the standard-bearers when my uncle came for me home. He was in the in our contending armies, the dwarfs and squires parlour with my governess, when I was called down. who carry the impresses of the giants or knights, I went in, fell on my knees, for he made me call not born to fight themselves, but to prepare the way him father; and when I expected the blessing I for the ensuing combat. asked, the good gentleman, in a surprise, turns him- "It is a matter of wonder to reflect how far men“ self to my governess, and asks whether this (point- of weak understanding, and strong fancy, are hurried ing to me) was his daughter? This,' added he, is by their prejudices, even to the believing that the the very picture of death. My child was a plump-whole body of the adverse party are a band of vilfaced, hale, fresh-coloured girl; but this looks as if she were half-starved, a mere skeleton.' My governess, who is really a good woman, assured my father I had wanted for nothing; and withal told him I was continually eating some trash or other, and that

lains and demons. Foreigners complain that the English are the proudest nation under heaven. Perhaps they too have their share; but be that us it will, general charges against bodies of men is the fault I am writing against. It must be owned, to

our shame, that our common people, and most who
have not travelled, have an irrational contempt for
the language, dress, customs, and even the shape
and minds of other nations. Some meu, otherwise
of sense, have wondered that a great genius should
spring out of Ireland; and think you mad in affirin.
ing that fine odes have been written in Lapland,
"This spirit of rivalship, which heretofore reigned
in the two universities, is extinct, and almost over
betwixt college and college. In parishes and schools,
the thirst of glory still obtains. At the seasons of
football and cock-fighting, these little republics re-
assume their national hatred to each other. My
tenant in the country is verily persuaded, that the
parish of the enemy hath not one honest man in it.

"I always hated satires against woman, and
satires against man: I am apt to suspect a stranger
who laughs at the religion of the faculty; my
spleen rises at a dull rogue, who is severe upon
mayors and aldermen; and was never better pleased
than with a piece of justice executed upon the body
of a Templar, who was very arch upon parsons.
The necessities of mankind require various em-
ployments; and whoever excels in his province is
worthy of praise. All men are not educated after
the same manner, nor have all the same talents.
Those who are deficient deserve our compassion,
and have a title to our assistance. All cannot be
bred in the same place; but in all places there arise,
at different times, such persons as do honour to their
society, which may raise envy ia little souls, but
are admired and cherished by generous spirits.

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"I find you are a general undertaker, and have by your correspondents or self, an insight into most things; which makes me apply myself to you' at present, in the sorest calamity that ever befel man.. My wife has taken something ill of me, and has not spoke one word good or bad, to me, or any body in the family, since Friday was seven-night. What must a man do in that case? Your advice would be a great obligation to, Sir, your most humble Servant RALPH THIMBLETON.",

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of knowing to whom I am obliged for the present I
received the second of April. I am heartily sorry
it did not come to hand the day before; for I can-
not but think it very hard upon people to lose their
jest, that offer at one but once a year. I congra-
tulate myself however upon the earnest given me
of something further intended in my favour; for I
am told, that the man who is thought worthy by a
lady to make a fool of, stands fair enough in her
opinion to become one day her husband.
such time as I have the honour of being sworn, I
take leave to subscribe myself, dear Olivia, your
fool elect,

"It is but this moment I have had the happiness




"It is certainly a great happiness to be educated in societies of great and eminent men. Their inNo. 433.] THURSDAY, JULY 17, 1712. structions and examples are of extraordinary adPerlege Mæonio cantatas carmine ranas, vantage. It is highly proper to instil such a reverEt frontem nugis solvere disce meis. ence of the governing persons, and concern for the MART. Epig. xiv. 183. honour of the place, as may spur the growing memTo banish anxious thought, and quiet pain, bers to worthy pursuits and honest emulation; but Read Homer's frogs, or my more trifling strain. to swell young minds with vain thoughts of the THE moral world, as consisting of males and fedignity of their own brotherhood, by debasing and males, is of a mixed nature, and filled with several vilifying all others, doth them a real injury. By customs, fashions, and ceremonies, which would have this means I have found that their efforts have be- no place in it were there but one sex. Had our specome languid, and their prattle irksome, as think-cies no females in it, men would be quite different ing it sufficient praise that they are children of so illustrious and ample a family. I should think it a surer as well as more generous method, to set before the eyes of youth such persons as have made a noble progress in fraternities less talked of; which seems tacitly to reproach their sloth, who loll so heavily in the seats of mighty improvement. Acfive spirits hereby would enlarge their notions; whereas, by a servile imitation of one, or perhaps two, admired men, in their own body, they can only gain a secondary and derivative kind of fame. These copiers of men, like those of authors or painters, run into affectations of some oddness, which perhaps was not disagreeable in the original, but sits ungracefully on the narrow-souled tran


"By such early corrections of vanity, while boys are growing into men, they will gradually learn not to censure superficially; but imbibe those principles of general kindness and humanity, which alone can make them easy to themselves, and beloved by others. Reflections of this nature have expunged all prejudices out of my heart; insomuch, that though I am a firm Protestant, I hope to see the pope and cardinals without violent emotions; and though I am naturally grave, I expect to meet good company at Paris.

"I am, Sir, your obedient Servant." SPECTATOR Nos. 63 & 64

creatures from what they are at present; their endeavours to please the opposite sex polishes and re-. fines them out of those manners which are most natural to them, and often sets them upon modelling themselves, not according to the plans which they approve in their own opinions, but according to those plans which they think are most agreeable to the female world. In a word, man would not only be an unhappy, but a rude unfinished creature, were he conversant with none but those of his own make.

Women, on the other side, are apt to form themselves in every thing with regard to that other half of reasonable creatures with whom they are blended and confused; their thoughts are ever turned upon appearing amiable to the other sex; they talk, and move, and smile, with a design upon us; every feature of their faces, every part of their dress, is filled with snares and allurements. There would be no such animals as prudes or coquettes in the world, were there not such an animal as man. In short, it is the male that gives charms to womankind, that produces an air in their faces, a grace in their motions, a softness in their voices, and a delicacy in their complexions.t

As this mutual regard between the two sexes tends to the improvement of each of them, we may observe that men are apt to degenerate into rough and brutal natures, who live as if there were no such


things as women in the world; as, on the contrary, women who have an indifference or aversion for their counterparts in human nature, are generally sour and unamiable, sluttish and censorious.

I am led into this train of thoughts by a little manuscript which is lately fallen into my hands, and which I shall communicate to the reader, as I have done some other curious pieces of the same nature, without troubling him with any inquiries about the author of it. It contains a summary account of two different states which bordered upon one another. The one was a commonwealth of Amazons, or women without men; the other was a republic of males, that had not a woman in their whole community. As these two states bordered upon one another, it was their way, it seems, to meet upon their frontiers at a certain season of the year, where those among the men who had not made their choice in any former meeting associated themselves with particular women, whom they were afterward obliged to look upon as their wives in every one of these yearly rencounters. The children that sprung from this alliance, if males, were sent to their repective fathers; if females, continued with their mothers. By means of this anniversary carnival, which lasted about a week, the commonwealths were recruited from time to time, and supplied with their respective subjects.

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So march'd the Thracian Amazons of old When Thermedon with bloody billows roll'd; Such troops as these in shining arms were seen. When Theseus met in fight their maiden queen Such to the field Penthesilea led, From the fierce virgin when the Grecians fled. With such return'd triumphant from the war, Her maids with cries attend the lofty car. They clash with manly force their moony shields: With female shouts resound the Phrygian fields-Darsey HAVING carefully perused the manuscript I mentioned in my yesterday's paper, so far as it relates to the republic of women, I find in it several partculars which may very well deserve the reader's attention.

The girls of quality, from six to twelve years old, were put to public schools, where they learned to These two states were engaged together in a per- box and play at cudgels, with several other accor petual league, offensive and defensive; so that if plishments of the same nature; so that nothing any foreign potentate offered to attack either of was more usual than to see a little miss returning them, both the sexes fell upon him at once, and home at night with a broken pate, or two or three quickly brought him to reason. It was remarkable teeth knocked out of her head. They were afterthat for many ages this agreement continued in-ward taught to ride the great horse, to shoot, dart, violable between the two states, notwithstanding, as was said before, they were husbands and wives; but this will not appear so wonderful, if we consider that they did not live together above a week in a


In the account which my author gives of the male republic, there were several customs very remarkable. The men never shaved their beards, or pared their nails, above once in a twelvemonth, which was probably about the time of the great annual meeting upon their frontiers. I find the name of a minister of state in one part of their history, who was fined for appearing too frequently in clean linen; and of a certain great general, who was turned out of his post for effeminacy, it having been proved upon him by several credible witnesses that he washed his face every morning. If any member of the commonwealth had a soft voice, a smooth face, or a supple behaviour, he was banished into the commonwealth of females, where he was treated as a slave, dressed in petticoats, and set a spinning. They had no titles of honour among them, but such as denoted some bodily strength or perfection, as such a one "the tall," such a one "the stocky," such a one "the gruff." Their public debates were generally managed with kicks and cuffs, insomuch that they often came from the council-table with broken shins, black eyes, and bloody noses. When they would reproach a man in the most bitter terms, they would tell him his teeth were white, or that he had a fair skin and a soft hand. The greatest man I meet with in their history was one who could lift five hundred weight, and wore such a prodigious pair of whiskers as had never been seen in the commonwealth before his time. These accomplishments it seems had rendered him so popular, that if he had not died very seasonably, it is thought he might have enslaved the republic. Having made this

or sling, and listed into several companies, in order to perfect themselves in military exercises. No woman was to be married till she had killed her man. The ladies of fashion used to play with lions young instead of lap-dogs: and when they made any par ties of diversion, instead of entertaining themselves at ombre or piquet, they would wrestle and pitch the bar for a whole afternoon together. There was never any such thing as a blush seen, or a sigh heard, in the commonwealth. The women never dressed but to look terrible; to which end they would sometimes, after a battle, paint their cheeks with the blood of their enemies. For this reason, likewise, the face which had the most scars was looked upon as the most beautiful. If they found lace, jewels, ribands, or any ornaments in silver or gold, among the booty which they had taken, they used to dress their horses with it, but never enter tained a thought of wearing it themselves. There were particular rights and privileges allowed to any member of the commonwealth who was a mother of three daughters. The senate was made up of old women; for by the laws of the country, none was to be a counsellor of state that was not past bearing. They used to boast that their republic had continued four thousand years, which is alto gether improbable, unless we may suppose, what I am very apt to think, that they measured their time by lunar years.


There was a great revolution brought about in this female republic by means of a neighbouring king, who had made war upon them several years with various success, and at length overthrew the in a very great battle. This defeat they ascribe to several causes: some say that the secretary of state, having been troubled with the vapours, had c mitted some fatal mistakes in several dispatches about that time. Others pretend that the firs

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